● Jack Nicholson is right. NEVER trust a fart. The BoyKing learned that one the hard way today, in his preschool gym time. In his words: "mom! I was standing there having a fart, and all da sudden poop shooted out!!" Needless to say, he's South of the Border.
● GirlyDiva is having a shoe crisis. We went to Ross, and she found the shoes of her dreams. White Canvas Hightops. Quite literally, she kissed them and talked to them, all the way home. Statements ranged from "ohmagosh! These are like, the TIGHTEST shoes evuur!!" to "Mom, can you believe I found these rockin' shoes at Ross?!" Fast forward 24 hours: Front door slams, signaling the arrival of afterschool tweens. Loud shrieks and knashing of teeth follow. "Oh NO!! OHMUGOSH MOM! MOM! Come here quick! I got MUD all over my shoes!!"
You've heard of Georgia red mud right? Well, We invented it here, and sent it to them. It's the kiss of death. Worse than blood and red magic marker..*combined*. I worked on them for hours. To try and at least remove it partially. No. Deal. She is going to be heartbroken. Sigh.
● I kicked DysdHubby out last night. We had an arguement in front of the kids which went like this:
dysdhubby: "BARK YELL BARK ROAR SCREAM YELL GROWL GRUMBLE"
dysdhousewife: "but wait..."
dysdhubby: "YELL SCREAM ROAR ROAR GROWL EXPLETIVE BARK BARK!"
dysdhousewife: "I know, but.."
dysdhubby: "BARK YELL BARK ROAR ANGRYSCREAM YELL GROWL BARK!"
dysdhousewife: "Would you SHUTTUP! Okay fine. I'm done trying to talk to you! You're being an ass and you're out of control in front of the kids!!
dysdhubby: *front door slam* *car door slam*. Speed limit exceeded.
(children weeping, watching tail lights through the window blinds)
dysdhousewife: *calls dysdhubbys' cell* "Don't bother coming home!" click.
He came back three hours later, mumbling something about having nowhere to go. He must have known I was REALLY mad, because he asked me where he should sleep. We've barely spoken. It's not pretty. Limbo- I hate it.
● Oddly enough, I haven't fallen off the wagon since the dough debacle. I've eaten more fish in the last two weeks than oh.. the last 6 YEARS. Lord Help Me. DANG do I need some chocolate.
**UPDATE. Disregard this last statement. I just ate a friggin' blueberry poptart. frack. :::hangs head:::